The woman, known as u/Fit_Bluejay_9234, posted about the incident in Reddit’s popular “Am I The A**hole” forum where it received nearly 13,000 upvotes and 1,300 comments.
Reactions to Cancer
In 2021, more than 1.9 million Americans were diagnosed with cancer. Along with a diagnosis from a medical professional, these individuals were faced with the overwhelming responsibility of sharing the news with loved ones.
Cancer.org recommends people start by telling their closest family or friends to receive support. It is also recommended that people give information about their diagnosis in small chunks and ask if people understand.
Being met with silence after explaining a diagnosis is common since a life-threatening disease can be shocking and sobering for many. For those receiving the news, it is recommended that they remain receptive and respond to their loved one’s feelings.
It is also important for individuals to share how they feel about the diagnosis while also acknowledging how their loved one might be feeling.
‘AITA?’
In the post titled “AITA for being mad at how my family reacted to me announcing I have cancer?” the 21-year-old woman said she was recently diagnosed with cancer and was told people have about a 40 percent chance of surviving the next five years.
The woman said she found out after a long history of “weird symptoms” and said her boyfriend is helping her process the diagnosis.
“I was inconsolable for a few days and stayed home and cried, and my bf was incredibly supportive,” the post read. “I’m still coming to terms with the fact that I may not be alive in the next few years, and have been speaking to a counselor.”
‘Lighten the Mood’
She said she and her boyfriend, 23, live about two hours away from her family. She told them she had important news to share in person and her boyfriend drove her to their home.
“It wasn’t easy but I explained to them that I have cancer and my odds of surviving with the treatment,” the post read. “Everyone went silent and had blank looks.”
After a few minutes of silence, the woman’s sister-in-law, 33, announced that she is pregnant with their third child.
“Everyone immediately congratulates her and starts talking about babies and acts as if I hadn’t said anything at all,” the post read. “Me and my bf were stunned and decided to leave.”
The woman later sent her family a message explaining that their reactions made her feel uncared for. Her brother responded that she isn’t the only person affected by her diagnosis and she should “understand” that the family felt “awkward” and was unsure what to say.
She told him she feels his wife owes her an apology for announcing her pregnancy. While she did admit the timing was “weird,” she said she doesn’t feel an apology is necessary since she was just “trying to lighten the mood.”
The woman said she was too upset to continue the conversation and has been ignoring her family since.
“My family are saying that I’m being selfish and guilt-tripping them into getting my own way, and that having cancer doesn’t mean I get to be treated like royalty,” the post read. “My older brother even made a remark that I’m acting like a ’typical youngest sibling.’ AITA?”
Redditor Reactions
More than 1,300 users commented on the post, many criticizing the woman’s family and offering her words of support.
“NTA. I mean, fk..they didn’t even say ‘I’m sorry you have such terrible news. We love you. What can we do to support you,’” one user said. “That is the BARE MINIMUM under these circumstances. I’m so sorry. Both that you have this diagnosis, which I hope you beat, AND that you have a horrible family. Seriously, fk them.”
“I’m really sorry you’re going through this and I’m really sorry that they reacted the way they did,” another user commented. “It’s normal to be caught off guard, lost for words, etc when someone has this kind of news, but what’s not okay is dismissing it like it was never said.”
“I recommend a therapist and a lawyer,” one user wrote. “The first immediately, the second sometime before it becomes an issue…At some point it’s going to sink in.”
“Cancer survivor here. Hearing that someone close has cancer is a big shock to many people,” another said. “It brings up their own mortality and their fears about grief, etc. It’s no wonder that everyone had frozen blank faces. I quickly got tired of helping other people manage their emotions. Step away from the family controversy. They’ve reacted horribly, turning their grief into aggression. If that means reducing contact, that’s a healthy choice.”
One user received nearly 30,000 upvotes after drafting a message for the woman to send to her family.
“I came to you for love and support about the fact that this cancer may kill me in the next few years. Instead, there was silence and then a pregnancy announcement. There were no hugs, no encouragement, no love. This isn’t about being the youngest child. This was about family,” the comment read. “Try sending something like that, hun. Hugs.”
Newsweek reached out tou/Fit_Bluejay_9234for comment.
Other Viral Posts
In another viral post from Reddit’s “Am I The A**hole” forum, a teenager was backed for “causing a scene” at a family dinner and another was supported for not giving her stepsister her mother’s wedding dress.
Last week, a man was criticized for calling his partner a “bad wife” for drinking alcohol since he is a recovered alcoholic.
